"When I heard this, I sat down and wept. I mourned for days, fasting and praying before the God-of-Heaven." Nehemiah 1:4, The Message

I've returned to my favorite spot between work and the house - again I've felt the need to blog and here is where I seem to do my best work.

After my last post my good friend Bo reached out to me and asked a simple question. 'Have you thought about fasting on this? Coincidentally (I don't believe in coincidence) I had been hearing that quiet voice in my mind telling me to fast for a long while. It is a voice I've been able to ignore before but with the weight of my friend (and the threat of his virtual backhand) I couldn't ignore it any longer. We agreed to a week long liquid only fast.

I was surprised how focused I became that week, how the trivial no longer mattered. I learned so much just by not eating and focusing that time on God- seeking his face and his will.

I learned several things. First that I don't have one stronghold in my life. I have several. Secondly I built those strongholds - they didn't magically appear in my life and they aren't going to magically disappear either.

The third, and the most powerful for me, is I need to stop asking God for what I want. I need to thank Him for what I have. So what - I'm lonely. I have parents who love me and aren't afraid to show their love. I have an earthly Dad who isn't afraid to hug his adult son. I have a Mom who calls me and shares the latest news with my niece and my sister. I have a sister and a niece who I love so much I have problems expressing it.

I'm surrounded by friends who are there for me. Friend who'll ask the simple question 'wanna fast?' and then they'll fast with me. I have friends who enjoy spending their time with me and aren't afraid to let me know when I'm being a jerk.

I can get out and enjoy His creation with a couple of plastic discs and 18 baskets to throw them at. I own a house for goodness sake. I am so blessed I now find it funny I have anything to complain about.

Now Nehemiah, he had something to complain about. His home city had been sacked and its wall and gate destroyed. His people were in distress. So what does he do? He mourns, fasts and prays.

How does he pray? He doesn't just whine and moan to God. He begins with praise - praising God for preserving His promise and loves His people. Then Nehemiah gets on his knees and confesses his sin... He apologizes for the sin of his people and begs God to forgive them.

After the praise and the confession, after, he reminds God of His promise and then, only then, does he go about setting things right with God by bringing his people back to Him. Nehemiah trusts in God to give him the strength and the wisdom to know how to restore his people to God's grace and favor.

After.

I had it backwards. First off I've got to praise His name. Praise the Most High. Then I've got to confess my sin - the lust and the pride, followed by reminding God of his word,

"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18, NASB

After that, after, I can ask for His will to be done. I can trust in Him and do what I know I've got to do as well as what He tells me to do, no matter how impossible it might seem.

I need to rebuild the gates of my heart and the walls of my mind. Walls and a Gate that I cannot build without His help and His love. Then it's all up to God. Whatever happens I will remember the blessings that He has showered me with.

I won't forget that without Him I'd have nothing.