When God closes a door in our lives why is it often so painful? Is the pain His reminder to us that we live in a fallen world? Is it His way of allowing the good times in our lives to appear to be so much better? Would being able to have everything at a whim be a bad thing?

Personally I think so. Joy without some memory of agony cannot be fully appreciated... Slipping on dry clothes feels so much better when you’ve just doffed cold, wet clothing. Ice water seems so much better when it’s hot and dry outside... and your mouth and nose are full of the dust of mowing.Someone’s praise for a project you’ve completed is better when you can still recall the annoyances of the things that went wrong....

So I’ve had a door closed tonight. It’s one I probably never should have opened in the first place but I did... I had some good times, almost lost a dear friend over it... It still hurts to discover the door closed.
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Hello darkness, my old friend,
I’ve come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
’neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper’d in the sounds of silence.
-----------------------
Round the world and home again
That’s the sailor’s way
Faster faster, faster faster

There’s no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There’s no knowing where we’re rowing
Or which way the river’s flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing
Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing
Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep ..ing
And they’re certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing
------------------------------
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin’ sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin’ comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
-------------------------------
So I continue my journey through this life... as always...

Alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not Castaway alone, talking to Wilson, I’m surrounded by some of the best friends a man can have... Friends that’ll do anything for you, are fun to hang out with and I love dearly. But I’m still fundamentally

Alone.

I’m ok with that I believe. I might get jealous of what others have but I’ve no room to complain. I’m wealthier than 99% of the world (I own two cars and a house)for goodness sakes. I’ve got a job I enjoy, a church I’m fond of and an awesome family. What right do I have to want more?

None. None whatsoever.

Ahh, well... I do believe the wellbutrin is wearing off... better living through chemistry...

On other news I had a small piece of myself removed last Friday. My friend Ganglion cyst and I parted ways. I’ve now got a soon to be nifty scar running down my wrist... that’ll be fun to explain to people...


M